As promised here is the new look Stepping Stone! We hope you’ll continue to find it a valuable resource in dealing with everyday life’s challenges.

This has been a particularly hard week for me. I have been busy with keynote presentations, networking and the normal stuff I do to make sure my business, Motivational Steps, runs smoothly. Being the super woman that I am I normally grocery shop, drive the children to school or part time jobs, make sure the housework is done and the laundry. I am lucky in that my two children who still live at home also do their own chores so that is a big help.

Unfortunately I could not seem to get into the swing of things, mostly because I knew that my children’s only remaining grandparent, “Nannie Lil” who still lives in the UK was in hospital and would not live very much longer. As we get older it does seem that death becomes more prominent, or it may be that we are more aware of it because we are not protected by our parents. They do say ignorance is bliss.

The one thing that became apparent as the week progressed was that many of the people who talked about Nannie Lil had regrets or sadness about either what they did or didn’t do or say. It seemed I was the person whose place it was to gently point out that nothing really mattered now other than to make sure we were there for her at this time and that afterwards we could remember her with love and affection. Crying tears for past arguments or not making enough time to talk to someone helps no one; being able to come together in a time of need is what is important.

My children are now going through the heartache of losing someone they dearly love, the first real person in their life who has died and they understand how final death is. When their other grandparents died they were too young to understand and I believe this was best. I am myself struggling to hold back even more tears and be strong for my family, I am pushing myself to try and act normal and carry on regardless. As I tell my children they can still talk to Nanny and she will always be in their hearts I do know this is hard for them to comprehend but as the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years the pain will lessen and the memories will still be there.

Have no regrets, the past is the past and cannot be changed, but dwelling on the past brings no peace.

With the holiday season behind us I would imagine many of us are finding it difficult to get back into a motivated mode! I thought it would be useful to pass on some tips of mine that might be used to set goals and get some motivation back! I always try to make part of my work day/night fun and this helps break up the monotony of some of the things we have to do that may be boring.

• Organizing your paperwork, filing, disposing of unwanted paperwork and filling in your calendar. Do this to music – upbeat, loud, motivational, something you enjoy, sing along, dance as you work, this not only wakes you up but you will find you get the work done faster as it appears less boring. Obviously this method works better if you work alone in an office; otherwise it might prove disruptive to others.

• Cold Calling – some people find this harder than others. I would suggest putting on your best work outfit, reading some really funny jokes, thinking of your summer holiday to come and then when you pick up that phone you immediately pass on your “happiness”. The client at the other end of the phone will just know how happy and motivated you are and can almost see that smile. It works wonders; just give it a go.

• Rewarding yourself – by lunchtime you might be feeling stressed, tired, or just wishing that work came knocking on your door and it would all be much easier. Choose to reward yourself with something you really enjoy, this could be lunch with a friend, putting your feet up and watching the T.V. reading your favourite book or even just munching chocolates. Make the reward something you really desire and by the time your lunch hour is over you will be feeling energised, and ready to get on with your work day.

• Setting goals is really easy, making sure you reach the goals you set can be harder. Always write down your goals and have them somewhere you can see them at a glance, hide them away and you will forget them. Set reasonable goals; know your limitations and each time you reach a goal reward yourself. Make sure you mark it in your calendar, tell people, and most of all say “thank you” to yourself. Appreciate yourself and all your hard work that got you this far.

• Networking – not all networking is fun, so choose some networking events that are. Leave the ones you maybe don’t enjoy all that much until your motivation is back to normal. Once you are back on the networking circuit you will feel back in the swing of things, meeting like minded people and feel much better.
  

Obviously as I am a Motivational Speaker I am always motivated (not true), so I turn to others to help motivate me, my husband and business partner, other small business owners, etc. We all have our down times so never feel you are alone, just talk about how you are feeling and it really does help!

A New Year is here – 2004 – a brand new year, not unlike a new book about to be written! We have the chance to write our own words on the blank pages of the book, in the same way that we have the opportunity to reach the destiny we so desire.

Destiny – what a wonderful word with so many different meanings:

• Luck
• Fate
• Fortune
• Chance
• Providence
• Outcome
• Doom

I truly believe we can create the destiny of our dreams with: hard work, dedication, a belief system that is strong, a passion that glows through all the dark days and faith! We could leave our destiny to chance but we might not like the outcome. Our destiny could be filled with doom and gloom but why would we let that happen? Luck plays some part in making our destiny but always remember we have to make our own luck. Our destiny may mean we make our fortune, always remembering that to be fortunate also means being healthy, happy and not just about making money. Reach for the stars, follow your dreams, and aim for the top and never give up. You will find your true destiny waiting for you!

My new year destined me to discover a symbol of communication. I intend to use to that symbol to help me travel my journey through the year as I work at bettering my communication skills. I had never heard the story of the Inukshuk before and so far in the year 2004 I have come across the story twice; that must be fate pointing me in the direction I want to travel!

The Inukshuk story taught me that, “We can be strong as individuals, but by coming together our strengths and abilities allow us to achieve greater success.”

Here is the story for your enjoyment, maybe it will mean something different for you, even so it is a beautiful story and needs to be heard by as many people as possible.

Stone monuments are erected in the image of humans. One of the purposes was to communicate direction and as such they were a tool for survival and symbolic of the unselfish acts of a nomadic people: the Inuit, who built them as signposts to make the way easier and safer for those who followed.

The hands of many and the efforts of an entire group were required to build these massive stone sculptures. They are a result of a consensus of purpose, of focused action by a group united in its goal and labour. The Inukshuk are the product of co-operation, teaching us that as good as our individual efforts may be, together we can do even greater things.

Each stone is a separate entity. Each supports, and is supported by, the one above and the one below. No one piece is any more or less important than the other. Its strength lies in its unity. Its significance comes from its meaning as a whole. What is true about the Inukshuk is true about people. Each individual entity alone has significance. As part of a team each of us supports, and is supported by, another. We are united by our common goals, and together we are part of a greater whole.

Today, the Inukshuk are a tangible symbol of communication – a universal means of speaking about our concerns for one another and our dependence on one another.

Take from the story of the Inukshuk what you will. It will touch many hearts and may even change the way people think once they have read this story. Basically the story is telling us to unite and work together. This not only leads to stronger communication skills, a better understanding of what we need from each other, but may one day lead to a world with no wars. A world where everyone can live together in harmony. One day maybe; a united world where no one nation is better or stronger than the other, where working together creates peace and strength for all!

One of my favourite months is October, my birthday month and I feel the month when I clean out all the cobwebs from my personal and professional life. I believe I carry much of what is in the past around, not realising it for some time and when I remember to get out my feather duster and dust away these cobwebs I feel so much lighter and able to carry on with new ventures. Some of these cobwebs may be important to me so I file those away for future reference.

I have been taking these past few weeks as a time to reflect on what I have achieved in this past year and think of all the nice things that have happened to me, and of all the special people that have touched my life. Because I am due to have surgery late October some of my thoughts have been on how I can prepare myself physically and emotionally for my surgery. I truly believe a healthy lifestyle and healthy emotional state of mind can help us conquer anything. I am being honest with myself and my family and tell them that even though I am not looking forward to the actual operation and the probable pain afterwards, I do realise that this is happening for a reason and afterwards I will feel a weight lifted from my shoulders. My surgery is more of a precaution because of my history of having Breast Cancer twice. I will be having a hysterectomy which is quite a big operation, but also I feel that once again part of my womanhood is being taken away from me. When I had a double mastectomy I had to learn to love myself looking the way I did and realise that my body is not what makes me a woman who can love, support and be the wife and mother that I am. Even though I can rationalise this out I still need to prepare myself for the emotional feelings I may feel after this operation. My family is complete, children were not part of the plan for Dave and I so that is one more positive thought to think about. Like most people preparing for anything new or unknown I feel a bit scared and want lots of love and affection to get me through this period in my life when I do not feel I am in control of my life!

Communication is important in any relationship, whether it be a business or personal relationship. Because I am able to talk about my fears and thoughts to my family and friends I am overwhelmed by the support and love that I feel they are willing to offer me. Unfortunately not everyone is able to be as open as me, so I urge everyone to take the time if you have someone in your life facing a challenge to really be there for this person in your life. Be there emotionally, physically and be there to listen, not to offer advice. When we are facing challenges, we know deep inside that no one can change what may be about to happen, but by talking to another person and them listening to us it helps enormously. In all honesty it is quite difficult to just listen, but if we all practice it does get easier as time goes on.

There are many traditions around the world; some celebrated everywhere, others in specific countries.

When my family and I came to live in Canada almost 12 years ago we discovered the Christmas traditions were quite different than in England where we used to live. Because Canada is very multi-cultural I think it’s people have tried to please everyone, but, in my opinion maybe lost some of the traditions of Christmas that some Canadians and my family were used to. We soon got used to the new ways of celebrating Christmas within the Public School system, but did suggest to the school that some of the older traditions might be brought back. I think that in trying not to offend people, something got lost along the way and some peoples beliefs got left out. I do realise that not everyone can be pleased but there is always a way to compromise. When my children attended school in England the majority ruled. If something might cause offence, pupils were allowed to leave the assembly or classroom.

Another tradition that we celebrated in the UK was Guy Fawkes night (sometimes referred to as Bonfire Night). My daughter was born on the November 6th and Guy Fawkes is typically celebrated on November 5th. For almost 400 years, on November 5th, bonfires have burned to celebrate Bonfire night. As the years went on fireworks were introduced into this tradition and eating hot dogs and baked potatoes in front of the burning bonfire. As a birthday celebration for my daughter we would invite her friends to our house and have a huge bonfire in the field behind our house. Since moving to Canada my daughter looks back with nostalgia to those times long gone and has fond memories of happy birthday parties outside on Bonfire night.

I think that our traditions help make us who we are. Even if we cannot carry on with all our traditions for whatever reason, we can remember them and know that is part of our heritage. My children and I all feel very happy and content in our new country and have adapted to the Canadian way of life very well. However deep down I sometimes feel England is still my “home” and yearn for some of the things we no longer have. We have our memories to share of times past and keep our traditions alive by talking about them, if not by practicing them. This can be very enjoyable and sharing our traditions educates others who may not be aware of them.